I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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