Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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