i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
