I think I am morally bankrupt
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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