that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
