thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
