I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
