i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
