Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
