Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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