Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
