I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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