sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
