i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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