mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
