I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
