I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my poor anus
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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