All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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