New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
