The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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