So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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