One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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