So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
