if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
