I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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