Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
