how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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