He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
