are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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