i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
