Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
