I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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