hotel room ftw
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
