Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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