I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im holly from the hills drunk
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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