First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
