Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
