in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
