awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
