she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize