I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
