we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
