soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
