Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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