actually, I'm a sock model
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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