I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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