I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
