wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
