Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
