Is it because I queefed?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
