She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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