I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
