I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
