fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
