i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
