I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
