3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
