You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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