Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
