I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need a beard to bite.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
