why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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