I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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