What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
