Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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