I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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