pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you win again, gameday.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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