So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
