If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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